Happy Birthday
Today is a very special day
[Dai]sies and daffodils, hooray!
[Rai]se your glasses as we toast the [lad/lass] who matters most:
ONE you’re sweet and TWO you’re sunny and THREE you’re the talk of the town!
FOUR you’re fine and FIVE you’re funny and SIX you’re even cute when you frown!
SEVEN you’re kind and EIGHT you’re cool and NINE you’re the belle of the ball!
TEN you’re wise and ELEVEN you’re clever and TWELVE you’re the best of us all!
[everyone shouts the numbers; each guest, in sequence, supplies one of the compliments improvisatorially, attempting rhyming couplets as above, resulting in embarrassment and hilarity for all, until the birthday person’s age, X, is reached]
[X] is how old you are today!
[If the birthday person is ashamed of eir age, continue with the following verses, which should cause sufficient embarrassment to deflect all potential shame away from age]
It’s hard to think about your birthday
Without thinking about death.
You’re not so young. Soon the day will come
When you draw your final breath.
But don’t you fret! Don’t get upset!
Because presently our presents are the best that you could get.
It's hard to think about your birthday
Without thinking about your parents having sex.
With giggles and gushes and rhythmic raging rushes
and tweaks and tugs and spanks and yanks and pecks
and tickles and twists and fingers and fists
thanks to your Daddy who ejects and your Mommy who accepts. . .
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